In my years of counseling couples, I’ve noticed a dangerous myth that almost everyone believes about relationships, and it’s no wonder because we learn this belief from a very young age. We see it in romcoms and novels, we see it on TV, but it’s not the way real relationships with real people work.You probably believe this myth too, and it might be causing issues in your relationship and fostering resentment and anger without you even knowing it! The problem isn’t your partner, and it’s not even YOU per se. The problem is a false belief that you can actually unlearn.So let’s talk about that, shall we?Read More
When you or a loved one is having a serious health concern or crisis, in the stress and the demands of the health problem sometimes you and your partner end up feeling like you’re not on the same team. This is a time when you really want to be able to come together to support each other. In this video I’m sharing some ideas about how you and your partner can talk together so you feel closer, more connected, and on the same team.Read More
Remember the last time you had a really good conversation with your partner, how wonderful and safe it felt?
Now, remember a time where the conversation turned into a conflict, where the train had left the station and there was no coming back. We’ve all been there in our relationships, and it’s not fun. In fact, when you’re in the thick of a really bad fight, it can feel like the world is ending.
There’s that moment before a fight when everything shifts. There’s that moment where you shift from calm communication to conflict. You can feel the difference in your body. Remember how it feels when you feel the shift in that moment?
But this good news is, there are other moments when you can choose to shift again. But it’s hard to do when you’re angry, hurt, and upset. The best thing to do in that moment is to get some distance so you can come back to a calmer mind and a more balanced perspective.
Here’s a quick tip for the next time you get in a fight or even feel that shift from communication to conflict.Read More
Would you say that your partner is the most important person in your life besides maybe your own self and your kids?
Would you say that they are your highest priority, but the amount of time that you actually spend with them tells a different story?
There is simply no substitute for spending time with your partner. You partner is not a houseplant that you can just check on every once in a while, to keep them thriving. Your relationship is something you need to lovingly tend to every day by spending quality time with your partner. That’s what a relationship is really all about!Read More
When we’re in a rough patch in our relationship, it’s easy to forget why we ever got together in the first place. We might wonder how we got to where we are now and what we ever saw in our partner. We know we loved them at one point, and maybe we still do, but even looking at them now makes you mad, sad, or afraid. This is how we lose touch with the love and joy we felt in the beginning. We rarely take the time to actually remember the beginning.Read More
I’ve talked with hundreds, maybe thousands of couples in the past 30 years of my career, and one issue I hear all the time is that the two partners just can’t have a productive conversation about a relationship issue.You might be nodding your head right now, because this happens at some point in almost every relationship, especially if there’s another painful issue going on that a couple doesn’t want to talk about, even though they know they need to. Today I’m going to teach you the one foundational step that you, your partner, and every couple have to take in order to have a safe talk about any relationship issue.
But first, let’s see what happens when you skip this step.Read More
When you want to share a precious life dream with your partner…Your fear is feeling really vulnerable and exposed when you’re not sure they’ll be supportive. Your hope is that they will see, hear, and understand your dream, and back you up. It is possible to talk with your partner about your dreams in a way that helps your hope to happen. Veronica and Martin’s story, below, brings this to life.Read More